Whenever I come across a block in my life or work, I know the solution will lie in healing that early stuff!
Our experiences in the womb and during the first year of life sets the tone for how safe and secure we feel and how valuable and welcome we believe ourselves to be here in this world of ours.
Have you heard of attachment theory?
How about 50% of us had enough calm and nurturing in our early lives to feel secure. Our needs were generally met so we came to trust our caregivers, and know our home environment as steady and reliable.
This set a belief in place that the world is a safe and welcoming place and that our needs will generally be met.
The rest of us, however, had a different experience. Maybe our parents were under stress; we were separated from our mothers in a way that felt scary; maybe there wasn’t enough money or support; maybe we weren’t always fed or picked up and comforted when we needed it.
These experiences led us to be either anxious or avoidant in our attachment.
Anxiously attached children will be teary and worried and clingy…and grow up into adults who cling on in relationships of all kinds, desperately in need of reassurance and nurturing.
Avoidant attached children go in the opposite direction. They decide that they can’t rely on others to meet their needs so they will protect themselves by keeping everyone at arms length and trying to rely only on themselves.
Do you recognise any of this in yourself?
I am avoidant attached. And so opening up and trusting in relationships has been my challenge of a lifetime!
And what did I do? Decide to go against all my needs for control in the past decade by getting married, having a child and then starting my own business!
These experiences required that I open myself up, reveal who I am and ask to be supported. Yikes!
Every time we try to move to a new chapter in our lives…or become a new version of ourselves…our childhood wounding will raise its head again. The best thing we can do is to look after ourselves now in the way we needed as children. With love, patience and kindness.
