Imperfection is not our personal problem – it is a natural part of existing.
Who Would You Be If You Knew You Were Enough?
Okay, so we’ve all seen the words “you are enough” bandied around in inspirational quotes on the internet. Every time I’ve read it I’ve thought, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m enough…there’s nothing wrong with me – I get it.
But did I really get it?
Do you?
Our society is built on people believing there is something not quite right about them.
That’s how we sell products. That’s how we conduct business and politics.
None of us are immune to the barrage of daily messages telling us we’re not quite good enough.
And these messages work to keep us small. If we spend our time believing we are not enough, we will hide ourselves away, not take risks, accept what we are given. We’ll believe the problem is always us, rather than the way the world is set up.
And, of course, we’ll buy stuff. Buy lots and lots of products that will supposedly mask our inadequacies. A diet pill here, an expensive cream there…an unnecessary anti-depressant…
Sometimes we’re not aware of just how much we secretly believe we are the problem. We sit in shame, chastising ourselves for not measuring up to society’s standards: of beauty, of motherhood, of femininity, of career success.
But what if there never was and never will be a problem with you? What if the problem is actually the message? And if we believed something more true, we could change our lives.
Our Bodies
Every time we shame our bodies into submission with punishing exercise and chastise ourselves with moral judgements over our food, we are saying we are not enough. Just as we are – in this body, now.
Do you label food as good or bad and berate yourself for emotional eating? Do you feel shame when you gain a few pounds – like you have failed in some way? Do you make your weight equal your worth as a person?
But will having a particular body type really make you enough? Will you really be more acceptable to yourself when you are thinner?
Our Age
Every time we look in the mirror and hate our lines, wrinkles or sagging skin, we are deciding we are not enough just as we are. Every time we fight our own bodies with botox, fillers and crazy-expensive anti-aging creams, we are not valuing who we are now in our lives.
Would you accept yourself with perfect youthful skin, though? Really? When you had perfect youthful skin, did you love yourself then? Did you find yourself beautiful and perfect…or was there back then another glaring fault in your appearance you were preoccupied with?
And what on earth is so wrong with aging, anyway?
Our Pain
When we are ill, are we enough? Are we worthy of love despite our injuries, our pain, our exhaustion? Are we valuable to the world even when we feel despair, deep sadness, terrible anxiety?
Is it okay when we depend on others to care for us or can’t support ourselves? Or should we feel shame for our ‘inadequacies’?
Can’t it just be okay to be who we are right now, even if we’re not feeling shiny, happy and ‘successful’?
Our Contribution
Do you know how valuable you are? Or do you secretly believe you can never get it right? That you need to keep proving your worth through keeping busy and sacrificing yourself to gain the approval of others – your partner, your family, your co-workers….wider society?
Do we need to have our contribution measurable in terms of what comes in our monthly pay packet…or are there other, much more important measures of a whole, beautiful person?
Our Relationships
Are you in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value who you are? Are you accepting ‘as good as it gets’, because you don’t believe you can find any better?
Or are you single and feeling ashamed that you cannot find someone to be with? Are you making this mean something about you?
I want you to think about these questions very carefully. Because acting on the answers could change your life.
What Happens When We Know We Are Enough?
When we know we are enough we don’t need to buy stuff to make ourselves more acceptable or more worthy.
When we know we are enough, we do not feel ashamed of our bodies, our feelings or our desires.
When we know we are enough, we make life decisions based on knowing our value. We don’t allow others to treat us badly. We stand up for ourselves and our right to be valued in relationships, at work, as mothers and as citizens.
What are you doing out of love and joy? And what are you doing because you believe if you don’t, everyone (including yourself) will clearly see that you are not worthy…you are not enough?
Where are you trying to fit yourself into a mould that is not who you are?
Imagine if you could just let yourself be.
Let’s Start a Revolution
How about we all just decide to live as if we are perfect and enough?! How about you just decide to breathe and know who you are?
You are perfect (even in your imperfections!). You are enough.
So instead of resisting who you are, celebrate it.
Stand in the beauty of who you are. Remember the goodness that is you. You will then attract into your life the people who appreciate the whole, beautiful you. Not the people who want you to pretend.
Imagine the Power of the Woman Who Knows She is Enough
A world of women who know they are enough could make our entire system crumble.
We wouldn’t buy into the bullsh*t messages that we are not good enough and so must constantly atone for our failings and imperfections by not going for the powerful career role, not screaming and shouting about the way motherhood is not honoured or the way our female bodies are not respected.
We would stop trying desperately to change our status in the world by changing ourselves – our looks, our behaviour. We would stop policing other women to ensure that they didn’t upset the apple cart too.
We would never again feel the need to inject poison into our skin to maintain a false illusion of youth. Imagine if we just accepted aging and refused to allow anyone to put us into a box for it?!
Imagine a world in which women lived exactly as they wanted to. Feeling free and valuable just as they are.
Now that would be a revolution I’d like to take part in! 🙂
So before you write all this off and say “yeah, yeah…I am enough…I get it” ask yourself: Do you? Really?
I’d love to hear what you think of all this! Is there an area of your life that is affected by not accepting yourself or believing you are enough just as you are? How do you think your life could change if you gave yourself a break? Could you choose these 3 powerful words to live by?
Niamh x
P.S. You may also enjoy Why You Are More Beautiful for Having Been Broken and 5 Ways to Survive Tough Times
